Why it pays to be a pirate

It is certainly true that being a pirate pays off substantially.

And the reason that is is because the software industry is so focused on catching pirates and protecting their software that they forget that regular consumers are the people who actually matter--the people who give the company money are more important than those that do not, is what I'm saying. And the reason I'm saying this is because I'm tired of being treated like a criminal after paying for software.

You see, I built a new computer for a client of mine last week, and during that build, I had a problem with the original motherboard--it didn't function correctly. So I got a refund and ordered another motherboard--this one was on sale, so I wanted to save some money for the client. What a great guy I am. Meanwhile, however, I was beginning to worry that my client was getting tired of sitting around without a desktop computer. The couple I was building for has a laptop computer, but sharing computers doesn't always work, and they had been waiting for over a week by this time. So I dug out an old motherboard I had laying around--complete with onboard video, some RAM, and a nice dual-core Opteron--and decided to install Windows 7 on that board and offer the ersatz computer to them while I waited for the new part to arrive. I mean, it wouldn't be the powerhouse quad-core 4-RAM machine I have built for them now, but it would run Internet and any type or programs they would need it to, you know, in the meantime.

But they didn't need the computer right away, so I just had it sitting around, making sure everything else works and is steady. Today I received the new motherboard and swapped the old one out, and I booted to Windows 7 with no problem, and it asked me to Active my copy of Windows, since it had detected some hardware changes. I was more than happy to oblige, since it is a valid copy that I paid for, and I have the disk right here in my hands with the unique key code on the package for easy access.

So I entered the number, turned away, and thought that was that. I turned back after ten minutes and saw that I needed to verify again. I thought that maybe it needed to do the same process for the motherboard and then the CPU or whatever, so I squinted again at the minuscule key code typed on the tiny sticker on the package for Windows and typed in the twenty-five unique key code--including numbers and letters--for Windows, and again, turned away as the activation process told me to please be patient while the copy is verified. And when I turned back to see what sort of progress I was making, I saw--now approaching somewhere near my chagrin--that I, again, needed to verify my copy of Windows by entering my twenty-five mixed-number-and-letter unique key code pasted on the package of Windows that came with the disk in order to verify, once again, due to detected hardware changes, that this copy of Windows and this unique key code was, in fact, a legitimate combination, that it was not in any way copied, pasted, stolen, illegal, pirated, or tampered with, and so I again entered that key code in--again squinting at the microscopic letters and numbers printed in block letters on the sticker aforementioned--and pressed enter, and saw again that the verification process was in process, and that I should please wait a moment while it validates my copy of Windows, and so I turned away, very certain that I was rid of this nonsense, and but so I turned back ten minutes later, and found that, again, I was please being please asked to please verify my copy of Windows by typing in the unique twenty-five letter/number combination printed on the sticker which was shipped with my unique copy of Windows 7 and connect to the Internet so that Windows could verify that my copy was valid because it seems that Windows has detected a change in hardware and so it would be nice if I would just please click on Activate Now and enter in that code, would I kindly, and just so we're all sure here, and we can both be on our way?

Well, I clicked on the little link at the bottom of the dialog box and saw that the Windows verification server was unable to use my product key because it was not valid at this time. Okay, so I just payed a hundred and fifteen fucking American dollars so that I could be told that I'm a criminal and have stolen a piece of intellectual property and that, sorry, they are going to take my money and refuse to give me service in return? What kind of thievery is this? And furthermore, how is this supposed to deter pirates from stealing copies of Windows--they steal from you, so you steal from the customer? That's it?

And not only that, but my friend has an illegal copy of Windows 7, and he never once had issues trying to update, with drivers, with verification, never had to connect to the Internet to activate, never had to enter a key code, never once was asked to please would he kindly take five minutes to do such and such so that they can be all good and just go their merry ways. What I'm saying that, in this instance, the pirate wins because his product is actually better than the one hundred American dollar product--which is supposed to be identical--is better because it is illegal, because it is pirated, and that mine is worse, and more of a hassle, because it is a legal and valid copy--nothing more! His copy is superior because it is stolen. My copy is inferior because I paid for it. Something about this situation strikes me as odd.

And that's the whole truth of the matter. There is absolutely no reason to be a legitimate paying customer to a business for services rendered when one can have the same product--only better--for no price at all. This does not deter, but encourages, software pirates to continue pirating.

And as long as I'm on this route, let me add some more. Two days ago I bought Battlefield: Bad Company 2 for my computer. I purchased it through Steam using my credit card. But when I was finished downloading and installing the software, I got a message, saying that I can't play the game because I was unable to connect to the EA servers. Well, that isn't my fault. I mean, sure, I was blocking any and all traffic to and from my computer that I didn't personally allow to come and go, but it isn't my fault that I just paid for a legitimate program and that I don't want some snoopy son of a bitch getting onto my computer to make sure--even after I had given my perfectly legitimate credit card number to another company who distributes that software--that I had, in fact, paid for the software which I cannot run because I would like to keep strangers off my computer? Absurd!

And it's even more absurd and ridiculous when considering that I have, in fact, pirated games for computer before, and that I never once had to ask permission to please run my pirated software, never had to check in with mom and dad if it was okay that I wanted to play my new game, never had to stop by city hall to make sure that the committee was fine with the adjustments I was making to my personal property which no one has or will ever see in the light of day. Are you detecting a pattern here?

Anyway, so now I have to erase the data from the hard drive that I installed for this couple, put it back onto a separate hard drive, format the new one, reinstall Windows, all so that the copy of Windows that I purchased can see that it itself has been paid for and that I'm not trying to steal anything.

Because if I wanted something easier, I would steal it. It pays to be a pirate when you play ball like Microsoft and EA--the only people who suffer are legitimate customers, and I am a first-hand witness.